Your decisions create the story of your life. And while nobody plans to complicate their life with bad decisions, far too many people have no plan to make good decisions.
Andy Stanley in Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets
As XPs, our lives are a massive, interconnected web of relationships and responsibilities. We are faced with decisions nearly every waking hour of every day.
- From little things like: “Which staff pastor should I take to lunch today?” “If I turn right at this traffic light, will it get me to my appointment sooner?”
- To important questions like: “Do I share this complaint with the lead pastor or handle it myself?” “Should my wife and I homeschool our kids and how will that appear to the teachers and parents in our congregation whose children are in public schools?”
- To potential career or life-changing decisions like: “Have I done everything I can do to serve this lead pastor well?” “Is it time to move to another church?”
In two churches where I served as executive pastor for over 25 years, the unsolicited compliment, Tell Bob, he’ll fix it, became a double-edged sword. I faced a decision of not wanting to disappoint people in my role of pastor but I also didn’t want to give my limited time and emotional energy to something that wasn’t a high ministry objective.
Most of the time I had really good intentions. The XP role of vision implementor was demanding and I was constantly flooded with options that could easily distract me from living out those intentions. Many times, I had to pause to review the priorities of my day against the values and goals I had set for the church or myself. Not everything on my To Do list was of equal importance but, for a perfectionist like me, it was easy to fall into that trap. Developing a mental ranking of 1st, 2nd or 3rd for my daily goals and putting longer term goals in writing became an essential exercise.
I already knew that decisions which were in line with my goals and priorities would keep my focus and motivation high. I could more easily do what needed to be done. I could research what I did not know, pray and then go into action. That way my aligned decision would greatly reduce my second guessing, struggling with over-analysis, and minimize situations I would need to clean up after the fact.
Over the years I had to learn, and re-learn, that to turn good intentions into reality meant that I had to be ruthless in setting and keeping my established priorities and goals.
Priorities
Living by my priorities was certainly not a new revelation to me or those around me. It was grossly underutilized in our reaction-driven culture. As early as 1800 Goethe famously said, Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. One hundred years later Gandhi taught that, Action expresses priorities while Mark Twain was writing that, To change your life, you need to change your priorities. By 1935 the 14th Dalai Lama was telling us to, reflect on what is truly of value in life, what gives meaning to our lives, and set our priorities on the basis of that.
In 1975, Robert J. McKain author of Realize Your Potential said, Set priorities for your goals. A major part of successful living lies in the ability to put first things first. In 1994, Stephen Covey, author of First Things First, describes a framework for prioritizing work that is aimed at long-term goals, eliminating tasks that appear to be urgent but are, in fact, less important. First used by Dwight D. Eisenhower, this system categorized tasks by recognizing that important tasks may not be urgent, and urgent tasks are not necessarily important. Indeed, the reason most major goals are not achieved is that we spend our time doing second things first.
More recently, church leaders everywhere were reading that prioritizing first things first in line with an organization’s core values was essential for success, as espoused in Good to Great by Jim Colins, in Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets by Andy Stanley and in much of Patrick Lencioni’s work including his Working Genius models.
Predating all of these voices, we find the biblical mandate expressed 1,400 years before Christ when Moses cries out to God in Psalm 90:12, Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. With the arrival of the New Testament, we witness Jesus himself instructing us to, seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these lesser things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33.
Indeed, that mountain of evidence was confirmed as I found 21st century pastoral ministry filled with too many good choices to say Yes to all of them. I needed a tool for determining what comes before other things in importance. Priority setting became my mantra and an essential prerequisite before setting personal and ministry goals. I could not decide what I would focus on until I had first prayerfully determined what really mattered to me and the staff team I was privileged to lead.
Once core priorities were firmly established, I experienced higher energy, more confidence in my decisions and more stability in my emotions. I also knew when to say, No. Ministry was filled with requests to do things for other people. Indeed, it was an inherent expectation in the definition of pastor. We were living in a world that needed help, so biblical knowledge and executive pastor status meant I was asked to help others. Once word got out that I was perceived to be wise and willing to assist, I got asked again and again … and again!
Decisions
I was fascinated but not convinced when I first read Alvin Toffler’s 1984 classic book Future Shock, in which he predicted an increase of anxieties in a world upended by rapidly emerging technologies. He identified the explosive growth of choices in all areas of our lives as something that would emotionally paralyze people who were confronted with too many decisions too rapidly. He described a world of overwhelmed people that I had a hard time imagining. Reflecting back on that now, I think Toffler underestimated its impact!
Our internet age is a never-ending barrage of information that seems to require almost constant decision-making. Most decisions are minor in nature but they come in rapid fire succession. However, some decisions are monumental and potentially life altering.
To deal with this emotional overload, pop psychologists of our day encourage us to just follow our heart. Magazines in the checkout lines of supermarkets, movies and TV programs display in convincing cinematic splendor that our gut emotions should rule the day. However, there is a fundamental fallacy in this popularly held view. Jeremiah 17:9 says, The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
Scripture reminds me that I have the mind of Christ to work with and wise decision making can be developed as an invaluable skill in my XP role. It is critical for me to remember that emotions follow decisions—they do not precede them. Furthermore, my decisions should never be based on emotions in the heat of the moment. In his excellent book, The 10 Best Decisions a Man Can Make, author, pastor and counselor Bill Farrel identifies three tests that can be applied to any decision. They can be summarized as:
The Obvious Test
Before you put a lot of effort into this decision, ask yourself:
- Is this decision so obvious based on my God-driven priorities that I am wasting emotional energy thinking about it?
- If the answer is Yes, then just make the decision!
The Priority Test
Not all decisions are obvious. Most decisions require some level of discovery, deliberation, and discernment.
- Develop a pro and con list and evaluate the decision in light of those reasons.
- Prioritize the list and discipline yourself to focus on only the most important pro or con reasons.
The Wisdom Test
- Does this decision line up with my convictions and values?
- Will the people I respect most agree with this decision?
Now, 30 years later as I coach younger XPs, I always make sure they know that it is nearly impossible to consistently make good and Godly decisions unless there are firmly established priorities, values and goals. While that is extremely helpful in every day ministry decisions; it is essential when facing decisions that will have life-altering consequences or determine mission critical ministry outcomes.
