Thursday, April 26, 2018
Hey Fletch … I’m demoralized and ashamed to repeat what my Preaching Pastor said to me. In front of one of my staff, he said, “You don’t matter. People won’t remember you when you are gone. I’m the one up front every Sunday.” I’m heartbroken and don’t know what to do.
DRF—I am so sorry to hear of your pain and travail. As they say in California, “that’s a real bummer.” I would hazard to say from your email that your pastor has said things like this to others. You are not the first. This means that the problem is not with you but centers with him. You may have provoked him but did not deserve that response. Jesus offers a better way to talk with others!
It seems your pastor has become infested with “I’m the Top Man Syndrome.” Unfortunately, we can see from the time of Israel that people want a king. God wanted to be the King, but the people of Israel asked for a human king. God gave them one. A problem with being king is that everyone else becomes a second rate citizen, including you. Churches often want king leaders.
You received the brunt of your Senior Pastor’s feelings of inferiority. He projected on you his own feelings of inadequacy. He knows that he can’t be king of the church but many of your congregation have put him on that pedestal. It is a scary place to be for the pastor, to try to deliver what only God can provide.
You have three options. First, you can overlook the offense. That will be hard and will not help your pastor. Second, you can gently confront him in the spirit of Galatians 6:1, “Brothers and sisters, if a person is discovered in some sin, you who are spiritual restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness” Net Bible®. You can say that you were hurt and offended at his harsh words. Give him a chance to apologize and make amends. If he makes amends, it will need to include your team member who was present when he made the original remark. Third, you can find a new place of ministry, if God allows you to leave.
Pray and carefully consider what you should do.