Monday, February 19, 2018

Hey Fletch … I’m on the other side of the international date line from you, but church issues are the same the world over. We had a Narcissist on our staff and ruined staff and congregational morale. Can you give advice on how we can heal?

DRF—I’m so sorry to hear of your trouble. One definition of a Narcissist is “a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. Narcissists think the world revolves around them.” Check out the Wikipedia page, especially the provocative painting of Narcissus by Caravaggio. As you now know, dealing with a Narcissist is a high challenge. The damage in your church will take many moons to heal. If you don’t know Ken Sande’s book, ‘The Peacemaker,’ it would make a good read.

To deal with the hurt and pain, you may need to lead a time of confession in your church. Ken gives 7 A’s of a Confession: Address everyone involved. Avoid if, but, and maybe. Admit specifically. Acknowledge the hurt. Accept the consequences. Alter your behavior. Ask for forgiveness.

Over time, you can instill a culture of peace, but it takes a great deal of work.